whatschutney replied to your post:i’m going to write a scene and i don’t think it is…

I always think about how JK Rowling has books and then she literally has safes of stuff that never made it into the books.

That’s CRAZY to me. I hardly write anything more than what I will use. I don’t write long notes or huge backstories, I write little half thoughts sometimes or something but that’s it. And like an outline? 

One time for a fic I wrote a kiss that I knew I wouldn’t use because I just NEEDED TO GET IT OUT and that’s kind of what I just did with this scene I wrote today. However, I kind of love it so I think I will keep it. WRITING IS WEIRD.

this is me writing a novel [about boys!] whatschutney

Erotica Written By An 8 Year Old Boy Who Is Still Trying To Figure Out What Sex Is



Tom Brady was tired from all the football he had been playing. He was sweaty too. He had scored like 100 touchdowns.

Something you should know about Tom Brady is that he is the best at football. He is also the best at sex. He is the Tom Brady of sex. He definitely knows what it is and how to do it.  

As he walked off the football field , he ran into Margaret. She was the head cheerleader for the New England Patriots. She had long blonde hair, like that elf guy in the Hobbit, but better because she was a girl. Her boobs were really big, full of milk, probably.

“Hey Tom,” she said.

“Hey Margaret, you look dumb today,” he said back.

Girls like it when you are mean to them.

Margaret smiled. She liked it when Tom was mean to her.

“Thanks Tom Brady. You are so good at sports. You have won so many Superbowls,” Margaret said.  She started to walk towards him, winking both eyes.

That’s when something crazy happened: Tom Brady’s peenie got big and muscular, like Gastons muscles in that scene from Beauty and the Beast. He didn’t get it, because he still thought girls were dumb and ugly. Maybe it was because his peenie was angry.

Margaret walked towards him slowly, and she gave him the look that Nala gives Simba in that scene in the Lion King.

“Why are you looking at me like Nala does in the Lion King?” Tom Brady asked sexily.

“Because I want to sex ya,” Margaret said. “Let’s do sex. You with your peenie, and me with mine.”

“Oh girls have peenies too?” Tom asked even though he knew the answer.

“Of course we do! We have girl peenies. They’re almost the same, but a little different. Full of milk just like our boobs.”

Tom nodded.

She quickly took off her cheerleading shirt and then her bra.

Boing Boing! Her breasts fell out.

She threw her bra away like a boomerang. The bra went soaring through the air and then flew back to tom Brady’s hands like Thor’s hammer in the Avengers.

Tom Brady caught it, which means that you can have sex now.

Each big boob probably weighed 80 pounds, like a big river bass, and was white and beautiful and had a shiny nickel at the end.

“Nice nickels!” Tom Brady said.

Margaret walked up to Tom, and they kissed.

Then Tom’s peenie exploded, and that was it. Sex was over.

“Thanks so much Tom Brady for sexing with me,” said Margaret.

“Shut up ya dumb fart breath,” said Tom. “I gotta go play football.

He turned and ran for the field, but stopped before he got there.

“I love you Margaret,” he yelled back at her.

“Love you, too,” she said.

then tom's peenie exploded adn that was it. sex was over. i can't this whole thing is gold

stars-inthe-sky replied to your post:at work the other day, a child was telling me the…

Okay, if people get to rag on me for not having seen Labyrinth, I feel like I’m allowed to inform you that you MUST see the Princess Bride.

People hound me all the time for it. I have not seen Labyrinth.

hellaleksah replied to your post:at work the other day, a child was telling me the…

me either

And look how rad we are.

c00kie28 replied to your post:at work the other day, a child was telling me the…

Oh, Ashley

I am the woman you’ve chosen to love.

stars inthe sky hellaleskah c00kie28

at work the other day, a child was telling me the plot to a movie they watched the other day and i was completely lost throughout the entire thing and at the end i said, “do you remember what the movie was called?”

he said, “the princess bride.”

spoiler alert: i have not seen the princess bride

Some people I love almost as much as Andrew Garfield loves lasagna.


achtung—baby adumbscotts aintnopartylikeaknopelemonparty alisonnbries algedonics amy-beyonce-pueblo amypoehler amybostonpoehler aubreezeplaza amyypoehler amypop andyslittlesister annachlumsky annperkins ask-pawnee ashishorny apoehlergize 

buffysvmmers buttwyatt bigbirdreynolds badassladycop ballroompink bbenwyatts best-days-of-my-flerm bensliegoodwin benknope-wyatt benandleslie benkaling benlesliewyatt cookiesonthedarkside cookie28 callme-swarley captainlinetti chrisprattings confessionsofapawneecitizen cobies robin-scherbatsky imsirius fuckloadofquiche

dennis-feinstein deeplyridiculouslyinlove denmark-vs-peru doyothangbabysmurf donpardosaymyname diaphenia elizabethtinafeys framagucci fancynewbeesly fake-mermaid follies-and-nonsense gingerdonna galentines gigglebangsricebowl girldragon

hplssrmntc8688 horribleaccents icetown-iceclown illtakefiction iwanttobelikemindykaling i-want-to-be-catherine-tate inaromanticalway icedlemontea jenniferbarkley jokeperalta judygrimes jess-miller lezliegrope leslie-knope-everybody leslieknope

 markbrandanawitz kickass-leslie kinggardner missamysantiago mondler-addict mostlynbc mulaneysbutt nutriyumaddict nightcheeseandwaffles notabadday mantzouksass nursingdegreeinfeelings orphan-blerg onlythingbetterthanhairspray ohdearlawde

parkstng poehlers-wiig poehlers-wiig poehlaris queenmilioti queenknope romantic—stylez ryeloza rynapyna sleepbeneaththeopensky shelookstoopuretobepink sandwichbasedworldview sch-wartz strideofpride stress-shamwow stars-inthe-sky stillscape

craponaspatula1 thelow-cal-calzone-zone tmpgifs vigee-le-brun viviknope viciouscynic waffles-calzones wholewheatbagels levondrious yoyoyoyogangsterbobcat you-beautiful-rule-breaking-moth tendads